Gratitudes

Most years, in November,  I manage to send little cards to people I am grateful for.  This year for whatever reason I've been lagging behind and never got around to even buying the paper.  So, in honor of that tradition I'm going to do one big old "gratitude" to everyone here publicly.

I have a lot to be grateful for. This last year has really continued to try my commitment to moving my life forward.  I feel like every few weeks I hit a crossroads where I was given the choice: do you go back and get depressed and stay in that zone where you're safe but totally and completely unhappy and not really living OR do you suck it up, get in touch with all of your negative, scared, hopeful emotions, reach out and ask for help and/or support and trudge forward with a resolve to be better, happier and more OK and accepting and appreciative of who you really are?  It's not an easy choice.  Again and again though I've been reminded by the people who care about me that I am supported and I am loved even with all of my capacities to mess things up, my propensity fumbling what I mean to say into an inarticulate mess (or not saying it at all), or for shying away from making solid committed choices.  You all are so hugely part of who I am because you all accept who I am even before I've been able to accept it.  You all are the stepping stones and the companions who are walking with me from point A to point Z (every step of the way included).


A short list of specifics...

1. There is this girl who was my therapist for quite some time over the course of the last year.  With her, we focused on ideas of communication in relationships and at work, self valuation and self advocation, my issues with family, feelings around my support systems, money, and fears.  She may have single-handedly shifted so much of my perspective over the past year.  It was through my weekly talks with her that I feel I was really able to access the part of me that could take a step forward in so many different directions.  I know that she will continue to make hugely positive impacts on the people she works with in the future.  I hope that she realizes her capacity for remarkable good.

2.  The boy with whom I shared so much of myself over the last year.  Things change and life drags us in different directions.  For better or worse, I'm grateful for the growth, the trust and the hope that we created in the face of huge distance and adversity.  I believe that you will have everything that you want in life some day.  I'm grateful for what you've given me.

3.  For soul families who love unconditionally and offer unwavering positive support.  For those who never tell me "I told you so," and only ever offer a cheerful path to move forward.

4. To my girls who bless my life in different capacities, always.  A: for undying optimism, donuts, wishes and dreams and the expansive healing of viewing life through the veil of art, creation and love;  K: for the real nitty gritty of life with an ounce of humor, perspective and a big glass of wine (and for amazing hair to get me through the worst of moments with just a shred of dignity); E: for stability, composure and perpetual selflessness, for your ability to make small things into incredibly huge and loving gestures, for your capacity to remind me what passion is over and over again through your very amazing commitment to all things green; J: for conversations and support about everything, for friendship through distance, for excitement towards all of life's little adventures; J: for creative expansion and a the embodiment of beauty and the inner child...

5. To my guys who offer consistent, solid proof that there are really good guys out there in this world... J, for constant friendship in the face of distance, an ever present soundboard, for a wonderfully unabashed sense of humor and outward optimism and for humility through it all; G: for always, always, always being honest and there; another G: for proof that friendships continue on regardless of distance and time apart and for food...particularly noodles; L, for being a brother who unconditionally supports me, even at my craziest...

6. The poets on facebook.  Hard to put this one into words but I am grateful for the inspiration, the art, the community...


Today, and every day, I am blessed to have all of you in my life. 

Namaste.