Transformative Positivity

January has already been full of wonderful new and old/revived experiences.  And retrospectively it's no wonder that I'm exhausted and emotionally turbulent.  I'm learning a lot (again) about how my body and mind process transition.  At the behest of the Girl who I see on a weekly basis for counseling, my Doctor and the Boy I'm seeing I'm trying to morph my life into something healthier.  I begin to wonder sometimes if maybe it's only psychological that healthy habits are so incredibly hard to keep and reform.  There seems to be much more of an instant pay off when doing something "unhealthy" and "bad."  Regardless, January has been this process of relearning how to eat at least twice a day, drink 64 fl. oz. of water, sleep eight hours and exercise.  It's interesting to experience these three people's interest in my well being knowing that each of them have different reasons and motivations for pushing me in this direction.  It's also, I'll admit, interesting to see how I push against and work with them.  On a whole, I've been quite a bit less resistant towards each of them than I have other people--probably because I genuinely like all three.  I'm not pretending to want their support just to placate society, if that makes sense.

It's difficult to take care of myself when I feel like I have obligations to everyone else that need to take priority.  The Girl says I need to learn to love myself enough to care for myself.  The Doctor says I just "have to."  The Boy jokingly makes it about himself (and our small village of unborn babies). Ultimately it comes down to what The Girl said on another occasion, about the Boy and her insistence on my sleeping/eating, "we care."  And if they care, why shouldn't I?

January has also been a whole set of brand new experiences.  I finally was able to attend two committees for Habitat for Humanity that I've wanted to go to for months.  Going to these group meetings is pretty far out of my comfort zone so I'm happy that I didn't let my anxiety keep me from attending.  Habitat for Humanity is an amazing organization when you start learning some of the inner workings.  One committee works with doing initial interviews for potential homeowners in their developments.  They evaluate the families based on need for housing and ability to pay.  Then the committee votes on whether to recommend a family or not.  If the family is approved they move on to an interview with the Habitat for Humanity Board.  Habitat for Humanity offers affordable housing but makes it so that the homeowners who enter into the housing work and pay for what they are receiving.  It instills a sense of worth and value to what they are receiving.  Each family has to complete a certain amount of hours volunteering (sweat equity) on the developments themselves (sometimes event heir own homes).  This goes towards their downpayment.

The second committee I went to works to plan social activities for the communities created by Habitat.  It looks like they plan about one large event per month.  This was the meeting that I felt a bit more at home.  The volunteers were much closer to my age group but while I felt more comfortable I also felt anxious about speaking up.  It's the one I'm having trouble convincing myself to go back to.  Probably because I'd like to be friends with the other volunteers and that will require pushing myself to participate and be social.  Still, I think I'll go back.

And finally, I went and took three private dance classes that I got with an amazing coupon I got from Groupon.    I won't be able to go back since the place is so far away and so expensive, but I was able to take classes concentrating around Swing, Cha-Cha, Salsa, Tango and Rumba.  I liked all of them immensely and am contemplating seeking out local spots to dance in the evenings.  Dancing is one of those "things."  It's just primal enough to remind your soul why it's alive, why it moves, why it is so tied in to Earth and the Universe.  When I'm not stumbling over my, or my partner's, feet I have this moment of "oh yes, everything is as it should be."  Moments like that seem so fleeting in day to day reality.  It's something to hold on to.