My living expenses loan fell through. That was more than a bit disconcerting but I think that I'll be ok by the time the money I have runs out. I'm still working at the company I've been at for three years helping them with a software transition. That's giving me a bit of a cushion but completely encroaching on personal time that I wanted to really get into the frame of mind that I'm hoping to start this program out with. This week I worked a thirty hour week, next week I'll be doing twenty (with availability to do more). In the meantime I also got trial shifts at a coffee shop that I frequent and so I start that tomorrow. I got a teaching/tutoring job that will start after April 10th--teaching a seven year old Spanish. And, I'm keeping my eyes out for other nanny/tutoring jobs. Piece-mealing my income together is overwhelming so I was incredibly relieved when I followed up with Easter Seals and had a good conversation with the recruiter. I'll know if I get an interview with them in week and a half or so. Something to be hopeful about.
Four of my textbooks came in. I've been refraining from reading them too much because I don't want to ruin the surprise and/or burn myself out. Or something. Who knows why, really, but I've flipped through them and the first page I opened to in the first book I opened was a very fitting little poem on centering:
Even in the midst of chaos
There is a small, still center
Of absolute quiet,
Like the eye of a hurricane.
If I can find that center,
I can place myself within that stillness
And watch the world whirl by
In all of its beauty and agony
And when, with clarity and serenity,
I can witness this spectacle
Some voice inside of me says:
"Yes, I see."
At last I can be fully present
To what is before me.
At last I can fully honor the unfolding
Of this desperate dance called "life."
There is so much going on with this transition right now, trying to quit my job, trying to find a new job that aligns with my passions and values, trying to make money work, trying to keep my apartment clean while I'm running around (currently inundated with laundry and cleaning to do), trying to eat healthfully and exercise. It's absolutely a whirlwind. But, I am so loving it and so excited and so invigorated.
I drew this picture today at the art center while sitting next to a new girl who was drawing while the other kids did clay. I'm not sure where it surged up from but I love it. It embodies passion and hope for me somehow. Creativity, girlishness, grace and composure. All the things that I feel like I'm regaining as this RSI fades out and I follow my trajectory towards school. The picture seems "ready" and I feel "ready" too.